I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
