people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
