Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
