You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Plan B is the new Plan A
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
