Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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