im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
