Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
