just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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