apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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