if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
