in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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