1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
