I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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