Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize