Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
