She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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