The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
