her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
