perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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