Duck Duck Cougar?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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