I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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