Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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