you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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