soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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