I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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