What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
handjob tips. give me some.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize