make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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