I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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