She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Two words: nipple clamps
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