If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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