you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My bed smells like the plague
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
