Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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