someone threw a dead crab at me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize