And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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