how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize