dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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