forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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