if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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