I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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