I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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