the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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