I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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