We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
