i think my tv is drunk
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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