too bad you live with your parents still
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize