what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
