His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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