Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
