he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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