Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So vagazzling was a success
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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