The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
