i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
