Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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