To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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