dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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