Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
