FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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