so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
