...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
