so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
