She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
