I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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