: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
