almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize