.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Found your dick twin last night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
